You don\u2019t live too long until someone you love, someone you love dearly,\u00a0 dies.\u00a0 For me it was my Father\u00a0 He was 53.\u00a0 I\u00a0 was 31.\u00a0 I had no inkling that it was coming.\u00a0 It was a cold January evening in 1975.\u00a0 I was serving a small church in Philadelphia.\u00a0 At the dinner table the phone rang.\u00a0 I answered.\u00a0 It was my father s pastor who passed on the unbelievable news\u00a0 that my father had a heart attack while driving home from work, and didn\u2019t make it.\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Some of you have had shattering moments like that.\u00a0 Or you have loved\u00a0 ones whose life came to an end by some wasting disease, or by the ravages of old age.\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I immediately called my best friend in the church, John Marian,\u00a0 whose own father had died the year before.\u00a0\u00a0 Did you ever notice that when you are going through hard times you don\u2019t want to talk to somebody who has had an uneventful life?\u00a0\u00a0 No you want to seek out someone who has been beaten down by life and somehow\u2013maybe the grace of God\u2013has been able to stand on their feet again.\u00a0\u00a0 You want to talk to someone who embodies Ernest Hemingway\u2019s line in A Farewell to Arms:\u00a0 \u201cThe world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So on that sad night I asked John if he had the same reaction I was having:\u00a0\u00a0 Numb, like being shot through and through with NOVOCAIN?\u00a0 Anger at the unfairness of it all?\u00a0 Not anger at\u00a0 God, I never thought God had caused my father\u2019s death.\u00a0 His heart attack was due to bad genes, and a bad diet, a lack of exercise,\u00a0 smoking since he was a teenager.\u00a0 But a raging unfocused\u00a0 anger.\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I can\u2019t remember my conversation with John but at the time I really needed\u00a0 someone who understood what it was like.\u00a0 In a small way my\u00a0 conversation with John began to help thin out the sorrow.\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Someone you love has died.\u00a0 Today I want to talk about that, and say a few words about what we go through in that crucible.\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The first thing I want to say is– at the outset– not much helps, especially words.\u00a0\u00a0 We know that and that\u2019s why we canvass our minds to select the right words to offer a grieving friend\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well meaning people say to us:\u00a0 \u201cHe s in a better place.\u00a0 Or he\u2019s joined your mother in heaven.\u201d You want to punch them in the face, don\u2019t you?
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Or the old standard:\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry for your loss.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s so lame and so trite?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s why we bring food to the house, or send flowers or and sympathy cards.\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But occasionally someone says something to us in our grief that lifts our spirits.\u00a0 In the receiving line at the funeral home hundreds of people came to offer their respects to my mother, my sister, and myself.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember what any of them said, but one.\u00a0 One old lady told me, \u201cYour father was the kindest business man I ever met.\u201d\u00a0 Those words have lodged in my heart for 44 years.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My mother outlived my father for 40 years.\u00a0 She took over his insurance business, and did well.\u00a0 She began going out with a friend from our church, whose own\u00a0 wife had died.\u00a0 They became an \u201citem\u201d and spent over 20 years together.
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We moved her out here to the Woodmark in Sun City in late 2014. She lived\u00a0 here for 9 months until she died in August, 2015.\u00a0 We celebrated her life at Pinnacle Presbyterian Church in Scottsdale where I was serving on the pastoral staff and then another service at her home church in Winston-Salem.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Last week when my daughter was here we went through all the sympathy cards sent to me upon my mother\u2019s death.\u00a0 There were well over 100.\u00a0 I am always impressed with a sympathy card or birthday card that comes in the mail.\u00a0 That means that someone had to drive to the store, peruse all the cards to find just the right one, go to the post office, buy a stamp, sit down, write a note on the card, and mail it.\u00a0 An email is quick and doesn\u2019t require much effort, but a sympathy card is impressive.
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I want to read you a couple of sympathy cards, which have now taken on new meaning that they didn\u2019t have three years ago.
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A note from Pat Thompson: \u201cTears are the prayers for that which is not easily spoken.\u201d
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sharon Dolan Although she enjoyed a very long life, she was still your mother.\u201d\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mary Meese We\u2019ve been gone for a month in Italy.\u00a0 So sorry to hear of Mildred\u2019s passing.\u00a0 Our prayers of peace and comfort are sent to you.\u201d
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If your grief is fresh, what I am going to say in the next five minutes or so may seem overly philosophical or theological.\u00a0 But it\u2019s important and you may find it helpful to go back and read it online in the coming days.\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We usually think of death as something to be avoided, an enemy, if you will.\u00a0 But death is part of God\u2019s plan, God\u2019s wise plan\u00a0 for human life.\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I have a private nightmare.\u00a0 We\u2019ll live for hundreds of years, sitting in our recliners, hooked up to a room full of artificial hearts and livers and lungs.\u00a0 No it is part of the good news that life is short.\u00a0 Death brings us to face up to life.\u00a0 So let us address death as would St Francis: \u201cBrother death, Sister Death.\u201d
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Suppose we could live forever.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I could imagine taking decades deciding whether I should come to this church or consider other options.\u00a0 I can imagine every Session meeting lasting a month.\u00a0 (Now there\u2019s a vision of hell\u2013endless committee meetings!!!)\u00a0\u00a0 It would take me eons to write a sermon.\u00a0 I procrastinate enough as it is.\u00a0 When you think about it, without death, life would be interminable.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This is what the Psalmist means when he says, \u201cLord, teach us to know how few days we have, and so gain wisdom of heart.\u201d\u00a0 (Psalm 90)
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nicholas Berdayev, a religious philosopher, has written, \u201cIt is death which gives depth and seriousness to life.\u00a0 If life were endless everyone could put off doing duty indefinitely because there would be no pressure of time.\u201d
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t Berdayev\u2019s observations strike responsive chords in all of us?\u00a0 Because it gives us a sense of urgency.\u00a0 It\u2019s what\u00a0 William James meant when he expressed the fear that he would not have the time to say all that he had to say.\u00a0 I think of the ephemeral nature of life and recall that John Keats was haunted by the fact that his life might cease before his pen had gleaned all the thoughts of his mind.\u00a0 And Keats was in a hurry. He died of consumption at age 25.
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mozart died at 35.\u00a0 Gerard Manly Hopkins, the finest religious poet in the English language, died at 45.\u00a0 Shelly died at 30.\u00a0 Lord Byron at 36.\u00a0 Franz Schubert died at 31, leaving an \u201cUnfinished symphony.\u201d\u00a0 Schubert\u2019s life is a parable of all of our lives.\u00a0 Even if you live past 31, even if you live to 91,\u00a0 life is an unfinished symphony.\u00a0 There are more books to read, more music to listen to, more mountains to climb.
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Someone asked Pablo Cabals, why at the age of 89\u2013and already the greatest cellist in the world–he still practiced four hours a day.\u00a0 \u201cBecause,\u201d \u201che said, in a huff, \u201cI think I may be getting better.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Casal\u2019s s statement reflects what we all feel deeply.\u00a0 Just as we are learning how to play the notes correctly, just as we are learning how to life rightly, we die.
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 There was a sign on a church that said, \u201cRemember Detroit is not the only place where the Maker can recall His product.\u201d
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 II.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have tried to make the point that death makes life more urgent and more important. Let me finally say a word about how death affects our life with God. It\u2019s a strange thing that those closest to God, those who most intensely feel God\u2019s presence in every place and moment are the people who feel the best is still ahead. So Bach writes one of his most beautiful arias, \u201cCome, sweet death.\u201d And a black slave writes, \u201cI looked over Jordan, and what did I see? A Band of angels coming after me, coming for to carry me home.\u201d
Maybe the best thing about death is that, according to the promise of the Christian faith, it will give us the life we have always wanted, but which has always been beyond our reach. The life which has always been beyond our reach because our own sin and limitation has prevented us from grasping it. The life we have always wanted, but never been able to achieve because we were born with mental limitation, or contracted some wasting disease. The life we have always wanted but which was beyond our reach because other people, in their sin and evil, kept us from it. Some day, at the time of our death, the life everlasting, the abundant life, will be given us.
And one final sympathy card. Called \u201cI believe.\u201d I believe that hope survives, love prevails, tears cleanse, memories comfort, faith soothes, good thoughts reassure and you open it up to read: And that our belief in a better place calms the heart.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You don\u2019t live too long until someone you love, someone you love dearly,\u00a0 dies.\u00a0 For me it was my Father\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_price":"","_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_header":"","_tribe_default_ticket_provider":"","_tribe_ticket_capacity":"0","_ticket_start_date":"","_ticket_end_date":"","_tribe_ticket_show_description":"","_tribe_ticket_show_not_going":false,"_tribe_ticket_use_global_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_global_stock_level":"","_global_stock_mode":"","_global_stock_cap":"","_tribe_rsvp_for_event":"","_tribe_ticket_going_count":"","_tribe_ticket_not_going_count":"","_tribe_tickets_list":"[]","_tribe_ticket_has_attendee_info_fields":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weekly-sermon"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31,"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions\/31"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peoriapresbyterianchurch.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}